his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
