after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
