Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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