She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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