Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
