I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
