It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
