My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't trust your balls anymore.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
