I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
