To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize