he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
