Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
