I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
