I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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