My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
