I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
