when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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