Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
