So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Randomize
