Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
