found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
