I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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