ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize