You're my little dorito
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm really busy with my period
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