well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
