I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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