I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
