We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
