i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
