3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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