Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I just shit out all my problems.
FUCK WHALES
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
