So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
