Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
