I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize