I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
