I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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