If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
