his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
