I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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