he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
