honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
