it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize