I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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