Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
