If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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