if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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