6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
