I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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