There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
