I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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