Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
