Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize