So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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