I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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