I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
