So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
