The maid of honor just puked.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
