Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
