I heard we made out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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