I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
