good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize